For years, I thought I was healing. Turns out, I was just surviving.

I told myself I was ‘working on myself’. I read the books, took the courses, did the meditations. I felt sure I must be coming towards the end of a long healing journey.

But the truth? I wasn’t healing, I was coping.

I was functioning, smiling, working. I was holding it all together…on the outside. On the inside, I was running on empty.

That’s survival mode. And I lived in it for years without even realising.

What is Survival Mode?

Living in survival mode is when your body and mind are stuck in protection instead of connection.

It’s not just stress. It’s your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do – keep you alive when it senses danger. The problem is, it doesn’t always know when the danger has passed.

The Science Bit

Your body has an autonomic nervous system (ANS), which runs automatically, and keeps your heart beating, your lungs breathing, and your digestion ticking over.

It has two main branches:

• Sympathetic nervous system (SNS): the accelerator, responsible for ‘fight or flight’ when you sense danger.
• Parasympathetic nervous system (PNS): the brake, responsible for rest, repair, and digestion when you feel safe.

In a healthy system, you move fluidly between the two. But when you’ve been through chronic stress, burnout, or trauma, your body can get stuck in ‘on’ (sympathetic overdrive) or ‘off’ (parasympathetic shutdown).

Here’s how it works in plain language:

• Your amygdala is like the brain’s smoke alarm. It detects potential threats and triggers an instant survival response, before you’ve even had time to think.
• Your vagus nerve is a long nerve running from your brainstem to your heart, lungs, and gut. It’s the main communication highway between your brain and body, constantly signalling whether you feel safe or on edge.
• Polyvagal theory, developed by Dr Stephen Porges, explains how our nervous system shifts between three key states:
  • Ventral vagal – calm, safe, connected, open to others.
  • Sympathetic – fight or flight, high alert.
  • Dorsal vagal – freeze or shutdown, low energy, withdrawal, collapse.

When your nervous system senses danger – whether it’s a real threat, a difficult conversation, a work deadline, or even a painful memory – it flips into the protective state it thinks will keep you safest. This happens in milliseconds, without you even thinking about it (neuroception).

And here’s the catch – if your body has learned to expect danger, it can stay in that protective state for months, even years – long after the actual threat has passed.

“Trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.” – Dr Gabor Maté

Why It Happens

Survival mode isn’t meant to be a permanent state. In the past, it kept us alive when we faced real danger – say a wild animal or a life-or-death threat. Once the danger passed, our bodies could return to calm.

But in modern life, danger is rarely a tiger at the door. It might be:

• Chronic work stress
• A difficult relationship
• Ongoing financial pressure
• Caring for others without rest
• Living through emotional abuse or trauma

These aren’t one-off threats. They’re ongoing situations that can keep your body’s alarm system switched on for months or years, until that state starts to feel like the new normal.

How Survival Mode Affects You

It keeps you alive, but it quietly steals your joy.

When you’re stuck in survival mode, even in calm moments, your body doesn’t feel safe. You might notice it like this:

• Physically: tense muscles, tired but wired, unable to fully rest, poor sleep, headaches, digestive issues.
• Mentally: constantly planning, overthinking, struggling to focus, forgetfulness.
• Emotionally: snapping at little things, feeling flat or numb, or overwhelmed by feelings all at once.

And it spills into every area of life:

• Relationships: you may withdraw, avoid intimacy, or feel on edge with others’ moods
• Work: you keep pushing, even when exhausted. You feel guilty for resting.
• Yourself: you lose touch with joy. You can’t remember the last time you felt truly alive.

Survival mode feels like coping – until it steals your life away.

The Hidden Signs You Might Miss

Sometimes survival mode is obvious – panic attacks, constant anxiety, burnout.

Other times, it’s much quieter:

• You always feel ‘on guard’.
• You can’t switch off, even on holiday.
• You say “I’m fine” but don’t mean it.
• You feel flat – no highs, no lows.
• You keep busy so you don’t have to think or feel.
• You’re overly independent because leaning on others feels unsafe.
• You sometimes ask for reassurance – not because you don’t know, but because you need to feel safe.
• You avoid situations or conversations that might be uncomfortable, even if they’re safe – maybe you skip social events, delay hard conversations, procrastinate, or pull back from relationships to avoid conflict or disappointment

My Story – Living in Survival Mode for Years

Late last year, I joined an 8-week mindfulness course. In one of the early sessions, we were guided through a full body scan. I expected to feel calm.

Instead, what I felt was trauma. Everywhere.

My body had been holding years of unspoken tension.

After a few weeks, I was feeling less anxious, less often. Brilliant, I thought – mindfulness is working! But what really happened is that I’d slipped from anxiety into depression. Quiet. Heavy. Hidden.

For months, I sat with it. I didn’t push it away. I listened. I felt it. I learned that my body had never truly felt safe enough to heal.

True healing starts when your body feels safe enough to relax.

Why You Can’t Heal if You’re in Survival Mode

You can’t outthink survival mode.

I tried. Mindset work, coaching, meditation – they all helped a bit, but none of it freed me.

When your body still thinks it’s fighting for its life, it will prioritise safety over growth every single time. No amount of ‘positive thinking’ can override biology.

The Proven Approach for Healing

Everything I share with my clients, and in my toolkit, is grounded in evidence-based methods proven to help regulate the nervous system and restore balance.

Research shows that:

• Mindfulness and meditation calm the amygdala and strengthen the prefrontal cortex, helping you respond more calmly to stress
• Breathwork and vagus nerve stimulation (through slow exhalations, humming, or gentle yoga) activate the parasympathetic system, lowering heart rate, easing tension and calming the body
• Somatic practices (grounding, shaking, gentle movement) release stored tension and complete survival stress cycles
• Journalling and guided reflection can calm the limbic system, and help the brain process, organise, and reframe stressful experiences
• Safe connection with another person can shift your nervous system back into ventral vagal, the state where real healing is possible

Healing, not hustle – your body needs safety, not another to-do list.

How You Can Start to Free Yourself from Survival Mode

If you think you might be in survival mode, here are some gentle first steps:

1. Awareness: notice the signs in your body, your thoughts, your behaviour. Keep a simple journal of moments you feel tense, flat, or reactive
2. Gentle Nervous System Support: try breathwork, grounding, gentle movement
3. Mindfulness & Presence: meditation, mindful walking, or even mindful eating
4. Somatic Practices: Shaking, stretching, placing your hands on your heart
5. Emotional Processing: Journalling, therapy, or coaching
6. Pillars of Wellness: prioritise sleep, nutrition, hydration, rest, movement, safe connection

The Healing Journey: 4 Stages of Moving Out of Survival Mode

These are the stages I guide women through in my HEAL coaching programme:

1. Awareness: recognising the signs and understanding what’s happening in your body and mind
2. Regulation: learning tools and practices to calm the nervous system and create cues of safety
3. Restoration: rebuilding resilience, self-trust, and emotional safety through consistent, supportive practices
4. Reconnection: returning to connection with yourself, others, and life – reclaiming joy, purpose, and balance

If you’re tired of living in survival mode, these are the steps that take you from simply coping to truly living. And you don’t have to do it alone.

You’re Not Alone

You’re not broken. You’re just carrying too much.

I’ve lived this work myself before ever guiding other women through it. I know the exhaustion of holding it all together. And I know the relief of finally feeling safe in my own body again.